


I Choose You.

by BrittneyBabbles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Kozume Kenma, Asexual Relationship, Body Worship, Confessions, Demisexuality, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Lack of Communication, M/M, Morning Sex, Mutual Pining, Tender Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28908354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrittneyBabbles/pseuds/BrittneyBabbles
Summary: “I hate seeing you like this.” Kenma murmurs and Tora’s breath hitches, he jerks slightly as Kenma runs his fingers over the bruises already starting to bloom on Tora’s wrists. “It hurts.”It takes a moment for the words and gentle touch to register in his brain. He freezes, his heart is beating painfully against his chest and it takes all his willpower not to recoil out of self preservation.“Why, are you upset?” He breathes out, voice barely above a whisper now, too many different emotions swirling around in his body trying to force their way out.  “Why do you care what I do or who I sleep with?”“Because I love you!”Everything stops.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Yamamoto Taketora
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	I Choose You.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for HQThirstmas but never published it because I chickened out. I needed to finally get this out of my drafts and set it free. So please enjoy this very personal and self indulgent piece about idiots in love and learning to navigate new relationships.

He’s fully aware that this entire situation is fucked up. 

A new face each night fucking him into the mattress before limping home to the room that Kenma lets him stay in. Kenma, the man he’s been carrying an unrequited flame for since highschool. 

Tora knows he can’t keep going like this. He’s never really been comfortable having sex without some sort of emotional attachment and it’s taking more to get lost in the sensation. He’s not even really enjoying the sex anymore but he doesn’t know how to fix it. 

Well, he does, he could just confess. Let it all out, release the chains caging his heart so tight that most days it’s hard to breathe. That’s an option, but he’s sure as hell not going to do it.

Because he can’t stop. No, it’s not that simple. Lost in that mix of overwhelming pain and pleasure, Tora forgets, between teeth and nails, with the bindings, and the unrelentingness of it all, for that small fraction of time he forgets about Kenma. Forgets those soft moments from high school, the ones that matter so much they’re burned behind his eyelids. So no, he won’t stop.

All he can think about is the feeling of getting his brains fucked out, hard. Hard enough to forget that he lost volleyball when he got injured, and that even though Kenma welcomed him into his house, this wasn’t his home 

No matter how at home he wanted to feel here with him.

He’d ruin everything if he told him how he felt. He’d ruin years and years of small perfect memories, and Tora would rather take it almost brutal from someone he doesn’t love every day for the rest of his life, than ruin that.

Everything changes when he goes to limp past Kenma's room one day. Something’s wrong. Kenma’s red rimmed gaze staring unfocused at a random point in his room. The sight of him like this is as visceral as a punch to the gut, it steals all of the breath from his lungs, his chest tight. 

“Ken, I come in?” Tora pauses before stepping in, pulling the door closed behind him. “Are you okay?”

Kenma’s head whips up, and he rubs at his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Fine. How are you?”

“Ken, what happened?” Tora takes a seat on his bed, and winces at the pain. The wince doesn’t go unnoticed, but neither does the scowl that Kenma tries to hide behind his hair.

“Did they hurt you?” Kenma asked him, voice low.

He frowns, he doesn’t want to talk about that, doesn’t want to talk about his distractions to the person he needs distractions from. He deflects, asking again, “What’s wrong?”

“Did they hurt you,” Kenma insists.

“I asked, first what’s wrong Ken?” Slowly, he reaches over to unclench Kenma’s hands, rubbing softly at the crescent marks left behind. Kenma exhales looking up at him a look of a determination clear on his face. 

“Why do you let them hurt you?”

“I like it,” he lies. Well, not completely, he does enjoy being manhandled. It’s just that they were a little too rough today, rougher than usual, even if he had asked them to do it. It’s fine, that’s not what matters right now. “What happened?”

“I hate seeing you like this.” Kenma murmurs and Tora’s breath hitches, he jerks slightly as Kenma runs his fingers over the bruises already starting to bloom on Tora’s wrists. “It hurts.”

It takes a moment for the words and gentle touch to register in his brain. He freezes, his heart is beating painfully against his chest and it takes all his willpower not to recoil out of self preservation. 

“Why, are you upset?” He breathes out, voice barely above a whisper now, too many different emotions swirling around in his body trying to force their way out. “Why do you care what I do or who I sleep with?”

“Because I love you!”

Everything stops. 

Time slows and he feels lost in a swirl of emotions. A small glimmer of hope tugging on his heart as it beats painfully against the chains wrapped so tightly around it. The flash of light so brief in the dark pit of his chest. It’s still and quiet for only a moment, before it all comes crashing back, the reality of what’s happening. The pain a million times worse. 

“W-what?” Tora whispers, recoiling away from Kenma, who is still perched on the edge of the bed. “Are you kidding me?”

Kenma is giving him a look like it’s not the response he was expecting. “Of course not. I can’t stand to see you come home like this.” He gestures to the new bruise forming on the side of his neck. “I can’t stand seeing someone else mark you up as their…., like, like some kind of object.”

Tora is seeing red. He's feeling so many different emotions that he can barely breathe and his hands are shaking. He manages to spit out, “How. Dare. You.”

Kenma freezes, “What-“

“How..? I thought we were friends, Ken. I thought-”

“How..what?” Kenma fights back, “Fall in love with you? Look, I’m sorry-”

“Make fun of my feelings like this!” Tora whispers hoarsely, and fuck, he’s tearing up isn’t he? “You don’t love me.”

“What?!” Kenma stands, and tries to cross the room towards him, “Tora..”

“Don’t..”, and he feels a sob working it’s way up. “Don’t you know how long I’ve been in love with you? You have to know.”

Kenma freezes where he stands, a myriad of emotions playing out across his normally stoic face. Tora feels the fight drain out of him when Kenma’s sharp eyes pin him and he whispers, “You… are?”

“Of course..” Tora is shaking, the urge to escape growing stronger by the minute. 

“How long?”

“Basically always, Ken.” Tora whispers. It’s out there now, the thing he’s been swallowing down for so long he doesn’t remember what it felt like not to feel this way. The truth. He can’t stop now, if he's admitting to this he’s admitting it all. “Always… I’ve always wanted you. Wanted you when I didn’t understand it, and then even more after I did. When you got together with Hinata I thought it might break me. It hurt so badly watching you with him. Every time I saw you together, or watched the way you would smile when you’d just gotten a text from him.”

“I knew I had no right to be jealous, I knew that. It’s just that you kissed me once, during second year, and I thought, I hoped it might lead somewhere, but you never brought it up again. Never mentioned it, pretended it never happened, and thought maybe you just needed time, but then you met Hinata.”

“Every time you touched him in front of me, it broke me a little. I was so jealous it made me the worst version of myself, a horrible friend, because I was so selfishly happy when you broke up.”

Tora pauses, his breath hitching after spilling all of that out, “I really thought, really hoped, that I might... that maybe you would see... would realize how good it could be if you were with me instead...” he falters, a shaky inhale, “But that was so long ago and even then.. you didn’t want me..I could accept that.. can accept finding people to fuck the frustrations and feelings out of me..but this..?” his gaze dropping. 

Kenma is still frozen- he looks as if his entire world has been shattered apart. His mouth is slightly open, hands limp by his sides and eyes slightly glassy.

Tora closes his eyes, “I never thought you’d make fun of me..” 

Suddenly he’s surrounded by Kenma’s scent, a hand cradles Tora’s jaw like he’s something important, something precious. He exhales a shaky breath pressing his face into the touch. His traitorous heart beating an erratic cadence against his chest at the tenderness of the touch. 

Kenma’s other hand curls behind his head to tangle in the soft hairs at the base of his neck, tugging him down until his chapped lips meet soft ones in a slow gentle kiss, a simple glide of lips. He melts into it, tilting his head to get a better angle to press closer, to feel more. 

His senses come rushing back to him, like a bucket of cold water as he pulls back, eyes wide. ”Wait.. stop, Ken you don’t have to.” Even in the midst of Tora’s turbulent emotions, overwhelming want and God does he want but not like this, not out of some form of guilt or pity. 

“Tora, I want you.” Kenma tells him firmly, his voice not wavering, his eyes intense as they hold his gaze. It’s said with so much conviction that something in Tora cracks.

He can’t help the sound that claws its way out of his throat, because this is something he’s dreamed about. It doesn’t feel real, but there is no way he’s going to hesitate to reach out and grasp for what’s being offered, unbelievable as it may be. He wraps a shaking hand around Kenma’s thin wrist exhaling as he leans in meeting his lips again. 

His heart is still beating way too fast, and his hands are still shaking but the only thing that matters is Kenma’s incredibly soft lips moving against his own. A slow tingling feeling makes its way up his spine, and the chain around his heart loosens, just a little.

Kenma pulls back- but not far. He’s just close enough that their lips are just barely touching, panting breaths ghosting across each other’s faces. He opens his eyes, and looks into Kenma's brown ones. They’re soft- softer than Tora has ever seen them directed at him before and he can’t help but think he might’ve just fallen in love all over again. 

Kenma's hand is soft on his hip, and he pulls Tora towards him, guiding him to sit next to him on the bed. “I love you. How can I show you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I have a feeling it’s the same reason you never told me..I didn’t want to ruin this friendship we’d worked so hard to build and… I thought you deserved someone that could give you everything you want and I wasn’t.. I’m not sure I can be that..” He intertwines their fingers holding on tightly, Tora’s heart feels a little lighter at the contact, this hand in his feels almost like a lifeline.

“Give me what I want? You’re what I've wanted. You're what I want. You’re so perceptive, how could you not see that?” 

“I thought I could forget how I felt. That we’d both be better if we found other people.” Kenma’s eyes drop, breaking eye contact with him. He watches as his eyes narrow their focus on his throat, and Tora instantly feels laid bare under his sharp gaze.

“Found people we were more compatible with..” Kenma adds, and Tora’s breath leaves him with a rough exhale when Kenma’s fingers gently touch his neck. Those skilled fingers trailing lightly over the distinct finger shape bruises already forming. 

His eyes are sharp and almost possessive as they rove Tora’s face. Kenma looks at him like he wants him, and it goes straight to Tora’s core. 

“If this is important to you,” Kenma pauses, biting his lip before adding, “well, you know how I am.”

“You’re so frustrating.” Tora groans, gripping Kenma’s jaw and dipping down kissing Kenma’s forehead, then each cheek, and his nose. He pauses above his lips, eyes taking in Kenma’s face, the blush high on his cheeks and the quick breaths falling from his lips. “So frustrating.” He barely whispers the words before kissing him. 

This kiss is different, he can feel his own desperation buzzing under his skin. He wants so badly to deepen the kiss, to take, to give, to share this energy that’s running through him. Kenma meets him full-force wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him flush against him, passing his tongue along the roof of his mouth, tangling with Tora’s until he’s no longer sure where he ends and Kenma begins. 

Kenma exhales a quick, shaky breath, the rush of noise and air flooding Tora's mouth and mind, making him dizzy. He chokes back the needy sounds clawing their way up his throat when Kenma tears away from his mouth to kiss and nip along his jaw to his neck.

“So stupid.” Tora hisses between his teeth when Kenma hits a particularly tender spot. 

Sorrys' press softly into his skin before Kenma returns to his mouth kissing him like someone parched stepping into a thunderstorm - with craving tempered by an edge of reverence, like he can’t believe his luck. 

Kenma kisses him so deeply, he can’t help but feel owned; his body, his mind, his heart, they all want the same thing at this moment. Anything Kenma wants from him, it’s his. When Kenma starts to press him back into the bed, his body is reacting before he can tell it to, putty in his hands. 

Sinking into the bed means he’s further surrounded by Kenma, his scent now wrapping around him, overwhelming yet another one of his senses. Warmth blooms in Tora’s chest at the way Kenma is handling him. He can feel it creep through him, spreading out to the very tips of his fingers, and toes. 

He’s waited and wanted this for so long, dreamed of this happening and he’s still not prepared for the depth of desire that rips through him, the warmth at being wanted in return. 

He inhales a shaky breath, as Kenma’s hands trail up his arms one resting on his face the other on his chest.. A cool hand over his blush warmed cheek and a steady hand over his rapidly beating heart. Kenma nips at his bottom lip and Tora gasps, his own arms slowly wrapping themselves securely around Kenma’s waist. 

Fingers making their way up and under Kenma’s shirt to rest on the warm skin of his lower back. Warmth begins to pool low in his gut at the contented moan that falls from Kenma’s lips as he presses closer, as if he wants to crawl inside Tora’s skin. His hand dragging down Tora’s chest leaving a blazing path in their wake. Tora could stay here forever.

“What do you want, Tora?”

“Just this…anything. Anything you want to give me.” He barely croaks out as he closes his eyes savoring the moment for what it is. Kenma leans in to kiss him soft and slow, throwing his leg over one of Tora's thighs slotting their legs together.

His body turns to fire under Kenma’s slow-moving mouth and his instinctually talented hands. They are just as thorough and calculating, in this moment, as he remembers them being on the court. The intensity of his exploration leaving Tora panting, his body shifting constantly, writhing under the attention.

His breath hisses in through his teeth when Kenma sucks at the sensitive skin below his ear. His eyes falling shut as Kenma works his hands under Tora’s shirt, coaxing it up and over his head. When he opens his eyes, he see’s Kenma is taking in all the marks, the claims someone else has left all over his skin. His eyes squeeze shut again.

“Tora, open your eyes.” Fingertips brush up his jaw and rest on his cheek. “Look at me, love.” Tora shivers at the endearment, forcing his eyes open, vision full of Kenma's soft warm eyes, his hair disheveled and hanging loose over his shoulders and around his face. 

He shifts dipping his head to twirl his tongue in the dip of Tora’s collarbone before dragging it up to his earlobe nipping. 

“No one else,” Kenma breathes into his ear, “No one but me gets to see you like this.”

Tora gasps, his heart swelling, a deep contentment taking root in him at what that means. His fingers threading themselves through Kenma’s hair, tugging, desperate as he shifts seeking out Kenma’s lips.

His search is unsuccessful, as Kenma stays just out of reach, “Let me hear you, Tora.” 

“On… only you.”

He lets his head drop back as Kenma chases after him biting and licking into his mouth. His hips stutter up against Kenma’s thigh. It’s overwhelming the heat that scorches through him and it feels wrong to be the one being lavished with attention, but he’s wanted this for so long and he feels too blissed out and turned on to even think about stopping it. 

Tora bites his lip, the feel of Kenma’s rough calluses dragging across his skin contrasting the sensation of his soft lips against him, he’s already incredibly hard and it’s taking a bit of focus to keep his hips still. 

Every semi coherent thought flies out of Tora’s head when the hand that’s caressing his chest and stomach drops down to cup him through his pants. His hips jerk up, his breath stutters out of his lungs and his heart just about stops. This isn’t just an incidental brushing; it’s Kenma caressing him through two layers of fabric.

“Ken?” He asks, breathless, hesitant. 

“This okay?” Kenma’s breath fans against his temple, as his fingers move to graze low on his stomach, causing him to shudder, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Do you want to stop?”

“God, no,” Tora’s mind is so foggy and his heart is pounding in his ears like he’s back in high school being touched for the first time all over again. He reaches down to lace his fingers with Kenma’s and bring them to his lips before settling their clasped hands over his heart. “I just.. need to check in because we don’t..”

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to,” Kenma cuts him off, he squeezes his hand reassuringly before he untangles their fingers, his hands spreading out caressing his chest, eyes full of intention when they meet his again. “I want to take care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

Kenma’s hand goes back to palming him through his pants, and Tora can feel Kenma hard against his thigh, that’s a dizzying realization, and Kenma’s mouth is getting rougher; there are teeth against his skin now where Kenma was careful to keep them away earlier. 

“Can I touch, you?” Kenma asks, nipping at Tora’s jaw, and hand palming against him firmer sending shockwaves up his spine.

“Ken, please,” he begs, his voice sounds desperate. He feels like he’s tied together by a fraying string, and that string comes close to snapping when he feels Kenma’s hand slide into his underwear, the warmth of his bare hand touching him directly.

He’s already impossibly hard when Kenma’s hand wraps around him fully. Tora barely chokes back a gasp as Kenma experimentally swipes his thumb over the tip. He whines when Kenma sucks the tip of his thumb into his mouth scrunching his nose slightly. His heart is beating so painfully in his chest that he almost misses Kenma licking a strip across his palm to make the slide of his hand easier. 

Tora clings to him like a lifeline, face burying into the crook of Kenma’s neck, breathing in the comfort of his scent. The smell of soap, sweat, and something distinctly Kenma that settles him in its familiarity. 

He holds onto that as he finds himself drowning in the overwhelmingness of this moment. The soft praises spilling from Kenma’s lips causing his heart to swell, newly freed from its cages. He feels drunk on the knowledge that it’s really Kenma’s hand stroking up and down on his cock. This is really happening, that warm grip stoking that flame that was already collecting deep in his gut, he can’t help but arch up into the touch with a stuttered breath. 

Tora feels like he’s completely on fire, mind lost to every sensation. He whines a little at the loss when Kenma pulls back to pull his own shirt off. He watches eyes hazy, as Kenma’s shaking hands refuse to function correctly, and he ends up trapped in between the fabric. 

Warmth blooms in Tora’s chest, a laugh bubbling up out of him. It’s been so long since he laughed so freely, the sound familiar and comforting. He sits up to help Kenma slip his shirt the rest of the way off. 

“Sorry,” Kenma says quietly, “My hands are— they’re shaking.” He laughs as Tora drops soft kisses to his neck and nips teasingly at his jaw.

“Mine are, too,” Tora replies, cupping Kenma’s face, tilting it towards him so he can kiss him slow. Groaning low in the back of his throat as Kenma unzips his pants. Tugging them off with his boxers in one go, a quick joint effort as he helps kick them off. He leans back, holding himself up on his arms, “Who knew you were so smooth, Ken,” he jokes, “I’ve just confessed and you’ve already got me naked in your bed.” 

Kenma huffs a laugh against Tora’s mouth pushing him back into the bed. “Stop trying to rile me up and let me take care of you.”

Tora feels like he’s walking a tightrope. He’d felt ready to combust right after that first kiss, and they’d been completely clothed then. Now, now he is positively expecting himself to come instantly. That doesn’t stop him from pushing his hips up into Kenma’s hand at the sensation of his warm touch. He’s pulsing, it feels like his heart is trying to beat its way out of him through his dick. The more Kenma touches him, the more his body reacts, leaking with desperation, aching with want. 

“Kenma,” he moans breathlessly, as Kenma twists his wrists “You feel so good, Ken—” he keens as Kenma kisses across his chest, groaning into the skin. Tora can feel it rattle deep inside his chest. “God.. Ken.. fuck..” his movements pick up quicker this time, he’s barely restraining himself. His hips buck up chasing the touch like he’s too eager to wait for Kenma’s hand to come down again, wanting more immediately, gaze tearing away from Kenma’s face to focus on his fingers, slicked with his arousal. 

His fingers curl into Kenma hair as every touch, every kiss fuels the flame licking at the base of his neck and settles over his skin. It’s unlike anything he’s experienced, each touch not to just push him over the edge of pleasure but to convey emotions through each brush of his mouth, graze of his teeth and stroke of hand. It sends shivers down his spine and Kenma’s name spills from his lips like a prayer. 

“Fuck,” Tora chokes, “Ken… c’mere.” 

“I love you,” Kenma whispers against his mouth, kissing Tora like he’s the only air he can breathe, all-encompassing to the point where Tora feels like he’s drowning at the emotions crashing down on him. He’s hazy with desire.

“I love you—Ken—love you.” Tora gasps, as though he’s a drowning man, and he thrusts up into Kenma’s hand; reveling in the feeling of it stroking up and down his cock. 

“You’re beautiful,” murmurs Kenma, “You’re so beautiful like this.”

Kenma moves up to press his lips against Tora’s once more, and Tora cranes his neck trying to deepen the kiss, needing something to ground him. His harsh breathing sounds desperate to his own ears. He’s barely been touched and he feels lost in a haze of emotion and sensation. 

“Shoulda done—this differently, lit some— ah— candles, or something,” Tora gasps at a wicked twist of Kenma’s wrist. 

“Candles?” Kenma questions, smile spreading across his kiss-swollen lips.

“Yeah, candles..rose petals.That’s.. ah.. that’s what...what they‘d do in one of your games,” he teases, and Kenma stills a soft breathy sound falling from his lips.

Tora focus back up to his face, his wide eyes and soft smile suddenly making him brutally aware of the fact that this is Kenma that he’s lying sprawled underneath, the same Kenma who he never thought he’d get along with first year, the same Kenma who he’d dragged into a friendship and somehow along the way he’d handed his heart over to without hesitation. The very same Kenma that Tora thought would never, never in a million years return his feelings. Much less want him like Tora had wanted him for so long. 

It suddenly feels too good to be true, like he doesn’t deserve this and Tora can feel his throat closing up, his eyes stinging.

“Kenma,” Tora exhales, “Ken, please—”

“Yeah, love” he whispers hoarsely, gripping him firm and quickening his pace. “I’ve got you.”

“Fuck,” Tora swears, and his fingers scramble for hold before adding his hand a top of Kenma’s. Kenma kisses at his jaw, along his neck, behind his ear. “Talk to me, Ken. Please.. I wanna hear..wanna.. hear your voice.”

“Tora—” Kenma whispers, low and rough into Tora’s ear. “Do you know how long I’ve loved you..wanted you? Wanted you like this? God, when you would come home marked up by someone else I thought I’d burn up.” Tora’s breath catches and his hips stutter as Kenma nips at his ear. He grasps onto the back of Kenma’s neck digging his nails in. “You’re so beautiful, so strong. I’ve had dreams about you like this… had dreams about you taking me apart..” 

“Kenma,” he whines, “Ken—don’t stop,” he chants, “I’m close— please don’t stop touching me,” his voice grows higher by an octave, and his back bows. World zeroing down to just the two of them, to Kenma’s hand on his cock, his mouth on his throat.

“Tora,” Kenma sucks in a ragged breath, as Tora’s nails dig into his back, scratching into the skin, “Fuck, Tora—”

Tora’s thrusts become erratic, and he chokes on a moan, as the fire that’s been building in his gut becomes molten lava. He’s fucking up into Kenma’s hand fighting for release with the desperation of a man begging for salvation. 

Kenma noses along his jaw whispering praises, affections, and unheard promises. It’s the thrusts of Kenma against his hip in response to Tora’s gasps and pleading words that undoes Tora; his eyes fly open to take in Kenma hovering above him. His cheeks are flushed, eyes wide and pupils blown wide with a palpable hunger, Tora thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. Kenma pulls back immediately as if the movements of his hips was a momentary loss of control, and Tora imagines him not pulling back. He wants to touch Kenma, wants to do all sorts of things to him. 

He clasps the back of Kenma’s neck and pulls him down, licking and gasping into his mouth. Body shivering and quaking as he comes, a haze of promises over his vision. Pure overwhelming bliss trembles and ripples through him. Kenma’s hands dont leave him until he collapses back lying boneless and blissed out on Kenma’s bed.

He faintly hears the sink running, feels the bed dip, and soft lips press against his forehead as a warm washcloth gently wipes him clean. It’s silent for a moment as Kenma pulls the blankets up and around them tucking himself into Tora’s side. His leg over Tora’s hip leaves little to the imagination that he is definitely still hard and Tora’s sure if he wasn't still so blissed out, that realization alone would be enough to get him going a second time.

“Ken.”

“Mmm?”

“Do you want me to... take care of you?” 

“No, not this time,” Kenma smirks, pressing a soft closed mouth kiss to his lips, “wrecking you checked off a lot of my boxes.” 

Tora lets out a dramatic guffaw, curling his arms tightly behind Kenma’s back, and pulling him tight against him. Tora can finally breathe again- he feels like a new person, but also like he needs to sleep for the next six years. He can feel Kenma’s body move with each breath, and he takes a moment to appreciate it- appreciate the back beneath his hands, and the face buried in his neck. 

As they start to drift to sleep a thought keeps ricocheting back to the surface of his already sleepy brain.

“Dreams about this. Dreams about you taking me apart.” 

Well, fuck.  
Time passes and the bruises fade much like the chains around Tora’s heart. 

He’s the happiest he’s been in a long time; he doesn’t have to hold back or hide his love and admiration. He can fully express everything that was constantly lingering right there underneath the surface. 

He can reach out and touch Kenma whenever he wants, run his fingers through his hair, and cling tightly to him in those moments where the shackles of self doubt seem like they're going to drag him back down.

There is something to be treasured in this time of discovery. They’ve grown up together, had years of shared memories that led them to where they are. But now, they’re relearning each other— learning how they fit in this dynamic. There is a beauty in setting boundaries, in learning another person.

Every soft touch, every teasing taunt, it’s a balancing act. It’s like writing poetry, gentle fingers through hair, and slow kisses filled with meaning. It’s, to Tora's constant shock and pleasure, the gift of Kenma’s hands all over him, his mouth painting his skin with claiming marks, a collage of bruises.

He relishes in it, is greedy with how much he never wants it to end. Never wants to stop getting to watch the possessiveness that flashes across Kenma’s face when he pushes Tora into his— their bed. The want in his eyes when he’s mapping him out with his fingers, working him up, and finally pushing him over that precipice.

It all leaves him breathless and dizzy and so content he never thinks he’ll need anything else. Then the hazy afterglow passes, and an itch in the back of his mind burns, calling out to him. Dreams about you taking me apart. He can’t forget the way those words had climbed in and made camp in the back of his mind, reminding him constantly that they had fallen from Kenma’s lips; whispered against his skin, breath hot like a brand and that he hadn’t made it up.

He’s not complaining, not expecting anything other than what he’d been gifted already, but he can’t help that he’s just a little obsessed, a little curious about possibilities that they haven’t explored yet.

His curiosity comes to fruition one obscure lazy morning in bed with Kenma, who is sprawled out next to Tora on their bed resting back against the headboard. His eye brows knit together as his fingers lay unmoving on his keyboard. He exhales loudly, his eyes flitting from his computer, up to Tora and back to the keyboard.

“Hey,” He runs his hand lazily through Kenma’s hair, tugging softly, as he shifts moving the computer to the bedside table, settling over Kenma. His hand resting against Kenma's jaw tilting his face up to meet his and he kisses him slow and deep. He licks into Kenma’s mouth, dragging his tongue along the roof of his mouth. Kenma lets out an audible sigh, and it stokes that familiar warmth under Tora’s skin. He wants those lips and that tongue and those hands all over him. 

He exhales a shaking breath, closing his eyes tight to focus back on the moment, at the way Kenma is making tiny little breathy sounds against him, the way his hands are firm and warm at Tora's waist, the way he smells.

“Tora?” whispers Kenma, pulling back slightly.

“Mmm?” he shifts over off of Ken, their legs still tangled and his hand still resting on his neck. “You okay?”

“I think we should have sex.” 

Tora inhales a sharp breath and chokes on his own spit. “Are you okay?” chuckles Kenma, as he sits up desperately trying to catch his breath. “I didn’t think you’d get so worked up about this.” He smirks as Tora struggles to regain his composure.

“Wanna run that by me again?”

“I said I think we should have sex,” Kenma shrugs with faux nonchalance, “but, specifically, since you seemed to be confused, I want you to fuck me.” Tora’s mouth goes dry, “I want to know what it’s like.”

Tora isn't exactly sure what his heart is doing, but it feels painful and wonderful all at the same time. “You’ve never…? I don’t know...I assumed..”

“No. Yeah. Sort of?” Kenma sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Technically. I tried it once, with Shouyou. Neither of us knew what we were really doing but I wanted to try it. It was… kind of painful and overall not...great.” A blush spreads high on his cheeks as he shrinks into himself.

“Hey. Hey,” Tora whispers, resting his hand on Kenma’s thigh. “It’s okay. Don’t be nervous. You tell me what you want and I’ll follow your lead. You want to stop, we stop. It’s just me.”

“There’s no such thing as just you,” Kenma huffs, “but I don’t want to pressure you or anything. If you want…”

“Don't want to pressure me, you’re ridiculous. It’s all I can think about sometimes. How you smile at me, and it makes me feel so fucking warm, like I’m just going to melt into the floor. How I get to simply sleep in bed next to you and run my fingers through your bed hair. I get to know how beautiful the little sounds you make when you’re happy are, and I know I want to hear the ones you’d make if I could make you feel so good,” Kenma’s breath hitches, but Tora keeps going. “I know how soft and warm your skin is, I know how amazing you smell, I know how fucking beautiful you are, I know I want to take care of you in every way you’ll let me and I know I want to spend every day for as long as you’ll have me making sure you know it, too.”

“God, you’re such a sap,” Kenma’s looking at him with eyes full of so much emotion it makes Tora dizzy. He lets his hands slide down to the hem of Kenma’s shirt to rest on his hip. 

After a few slow lingering kisses, he starts making his way down Kenma’s neck, loving the taste of his skin.  
He runs his fingers up Kenma’s stomach, feeling the dips and ridges of his stomach as he kisses his way back up to his lips.

“Tora,” Kenma whispers, voice low and needy.

“You can tell me to stop anytime, I mean it.” Tora pauses making eye contact before he continues. “The second you get uncomfortable, I want you to stop me.”

“I will. I promise..,” Kenma says, “but right now, I want your mouth and your hands on me. ” Tora nods, his face flaming as he looks down, suddenly unsure of himself and overwhelmed with all of the possibilities. 

“Hey,” Kenma murmurs. “Same goes for you, okay?”

“Careful, Ken.” Tora smiles, “I might think you’re actually soft for me.” He kisses him slow and deep, “How is it that you’re still tormenting me after all these years,” He nips softly at Kenma’s bottom lip “,One way or another.” He groans quietly when Kenma tugs him closer and eagerly tangles their tongues.

Moving slowly, tentatively, Tora slides his palm up and down his thigh, underneath his sleep shorts trying not to let how warm his skin feels distract him too much. Tora edges his hand higher, then slides his fingers along the inside of Kenma’s thigh, moving ever closer to his cock. He’s waiting for Kenma to pull back, or to grab his wrist, like he’s done so many times before but instead Kenma exhales shakily and kisses him harder, his thighs parting easily, his invitation more than clear. 

When Tora flattens his palm against Kenma’s cock, he breathes a heavy, appreciative sigh at the promising feel of it, already more than half hard. Kenma groans raggedly, his teeth catching Tora’s lip and tugging, as Tora palms him through his pants. Kenma rocks his hips slowly, pressing into Tora’s hand with a shudder, his head falling back and his eyes fluttering closed.

“Ken, can I suck you off?” 

“Fuck.. if you want to.. yeah..” Kenma bucks up into his hand, groaning in the back of his throat.

“Hell, yeah!” It ricochets off the walls of the otherwise silent room. He slowly undresses Kenma, lavishing each inch of skin with open mouth kisses and words of adoration. He nuzzles into Kenma’s thigh, looking up at him through his lashes as his fingers hook into Kenma’s boxers “Can I?” Kenma nods, lifting his hips and kicking them off before settling back into the bed. Eyes hazy and locked on Tora’s. He nips into his thigh, dragging his teeth and tongue leaving Kenma a gasping mess as he ruts into the air, searching for satisfaction before Tora grips his hip and twirls his tongue around the tip of Kenma’s cock. His back bows and he cries out. 

“Don’t, Tora. Tora, I’ll… I want this to last, I…” he pants, pulling at Tora’s hair.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Tora soothes, running hands up and down his thighs. “It will, don’t worry. I’m just taking the edge off.” He kisses the inside of Kenma’s thigh before taking him back in his mouth. He runs his tongue on the underside of Kenma’s dick, and then bobs down again. And he does this again and again, the room fills with sounds of his ministrations, the sound of Kenma’s incoherent moaning. Each groan growing louder and louder as he tugs on Tora’s hair. 

“Fuck.. Tor…” is the only warning Tora receives before Kenma comes. He shuffles forward, slotting himself in between Kenma’s thighs- his chest rising and falling rapidly with every breath. And Kenma looks a little blissed out; eyes glazed over with an easy grin to match but the way he looks up at him, the way their bodies seem to fit together leaves Tora himself breathless. They do not fit perfectly, not like jigsaw pieces or fault lines in the earth but Tora likes to think that somehow that they were meant to be - in some form or another - this, them; was meant to happen. Maybe not forever. But here, now, at this moment - with Kenma’s thighs on the side of his hips, pulling him closer- is something that belongs to them.

He is breathtakingly beautiful and Tora does not know which deity to thank for this whirlwind of a man but he is grateful. Grateful because Kenma looks so good in the bright morning light that shines through the windows. Grateful because Kenma, someone who is kind and loving in his own discreet way, allows Tora to experience this side of him. The soft side hidden by walls of sarcasm and self preservation that so few have been able to see much less enjoy and touch in the tangible way Tora gets to everyday. 

“You okay, Ken?”

“Much better than okay.”

Tora kisses Kenma’s temple. “Now that's what I like to hear.” He reaches into his nightstand drawer grabbing the lube and condoms. “How familiar are you with… have you done this to yourself?”

Kenma looks away. “Uh, not a lot? I never really masturbate all that much. Like, I have a sex drive and all, but with no one to point it at, I never really get that into it.” He shrugs. “Everybody’s different. I kind of did it this morning? I was about to take a bath and just got a little...yeah. It’s nice, but also tiring trying to do it by yourself.”

Tora tries not to grin like an idiot. This adorable human being. And fuck, imagining him rocking down onto his own fingers, thinking about him… he captures Kenma’s lips in a kiss. A kiss that rapidly turns heated with tongues and teeth. “Okay,” Tora exhales, taking a steadying breath when they separate. “You just tell me if there’s anything you don’t like, alright?” Tora situates a pillow under Kenma’s hips, then grabs the lube and scoots down the bed. He gives Kenma’s still half-hard cock a wet kiss, and Kenma shudders. 

Working Kenma open is a test of restraint like no other Tora had experienced. Just as he’d expected, Kenma is incredibly responsive, shaking and squirming on his fingers. As he works, Tora licks and nips at Kenma’s thighs and hips, occasionally licking a solid stripe up his cock, usually earning himself a rewarding gasp or cry. He’d been playing it safe with Kenma’s prostate, tiny brushes, just working on getting Kenma used to the intrusion. But when Tora looks up to see his face, Kenma’s gnawing on his lower lip, eyes shut tight.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he breathes. “Just look at you. You’re beautiful.”

He plays with Kenma for as long as he can, using his fingers and his mouth to be soft and teasing, wringing the most gorgeous sounds out of Kenma’s throat. Eventually, all Kenma can do is lay there, twitching and mewling.

“Tora,” he manages to gasp out. “Please, I want… fuck, ahh! I want you, fuck me, please.”

“I got you,” he removes his fingers, stroking his hands down Kenma’s hips and thighs. “This is gonna be easier on you if you flip over.”

“No..no, I want to see your face.”

Tora groans, dropping his head to Kenma’s chest and gripping his hand tight around the base of his own cock. “Fuck, Ken.” He kisses up his chest and neck before diving back into Kenma’s mouth. The warmth is a momentary but welcome distraction. “Yeah, I can do that.” He grabs a condom from the nightstand and wipes his lube-covered hand clean enough that he could open it. A bit more lube, then he slowly—so fucking slowly—sinks in. Kenma’s brow furrows, and his mouth drops open, but the only sound was his heaving breathing.

“You okay?” 

“Good. Fuck. You’re so. God. More now.”

Tora huffs a laugh. “Anything you want.”

“Oh,” Kenma groans when Tora bottoms out. “Oh god you’re fucking perfect; that is spectacular.” Tora’s thoughts catch on ‘perfect,’ Kenma is panting and wanting underneath him. Legs wrapping tight around his hips and body fidgeting for more friction.

But then Kenma is releasing these tiny little gasps, hissing in a breath as he squeezes around him and Tora moans out at the feeling, head spinning as he grips Kenma’s thigh and he digs his nails into Tora’s back in return with a sharp breath. “Tora, babe, I’m loving this but, I need..” Kenma squeezes around him once more, involuntarily, Tora gritting curses under his breath, “-you gotta give me more.”

“Yeah, yeah. ‘Course,” Tora manages to reply, so he quickens his pace, fucking shallower, Kenma meeting him thrust for thrust, the sound practically obscene against the white noise of the Tokyo morning. Then he’s pressing a hand lightly on Kenma’s stomach and he fucking whines and that alone is enough to push Tora to the edge, movements becoming erratic as Kenma chokes out his name around moans, nails raking down his spine.

“Tor..Tora, I’m...f-fuck, so close -”

But Tora is nothing, if not a teaser, so he slows his movements, angling his thrust so they reach deeper, so slow that Kenma’s eyes flutter open, intense heat swirling in those golden irises.

“Hey, hey - look at me,” and Kenma does, but not without confusion and the slightest hint of frustration, “You are so goddamn beautiful,” he says, “and handsome, and I can’t believe I got so lucky.”

“Dammit Tora,” he groans and it almost sounds like a complaint but the way he clenches tightly around him says otherwise.

“I’m serious Ken,” he assures, but the way his chest heaves up and down says he won’t last much longer so he picks up his pace once more, watching the way Kenma’s eyes screw shut, the way his thighs tremble around him, “I don’t deserve you, never will.”

“Fuck off,” Kenma bites back, and Tora laughs unevenly at his aggression, hips rocking in circles that make Kenma’s breath hitch “ You deserve me, deserve each other. So just - ”

Kenma moans high in his throat, crying out his name and Tora loses it, hips stuttering as he lets out a string of curses under his breath.

And then Kenma is falling. Falling over that precipice that he had been building up to, back bowing off the bed and Tora watches in amazement until he’s following right behind him, burying his face into the crook of Kenma’s neck with a low groan as hips thrust forward to a shaky stop.

They collapse, panting hard and sweaty, Tora easing out with a tiny whimper from them both, kissing Kenma with no real thought other than the fact that he’s in love, Kenma kissing him back knowingly. They lie there, with Tora flopping over to the side, both racing to catch their breath, getting comfortable despite the mess between their sheets.

“Hey,” Kenma starts, then turns his face to the side, blindly kissing whatever he can reach: Tora’s cheek, the bridge of his nose, his eyelids.

“I love you.” He grins, carding a hand through Tora’s messy hair.

“I love you too, Ken.” He murmurs tilting Kenma’s mouth up into a kiss, the two of them sighing blissfully into each other. Tora pulls back after a moment resting their foreheads together. “It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you.” 

“You’re such a sap. How do I love you so much?” Kenma beams up at him, eyes soft and full of sleep. Tora’s heart flutters in his chest as he leans down. He’d willingly stopped fighting Kenma’s gravitational pull years ago. 

Loving Kenma is like loving the sun blinding, bright and irresistible.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always greatly appreciated!! 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @BrittneyBabbles if you want to scream about Toraken or Haikyuu just in general! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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